


Blooming Flowers Stained in Blue

by NightSen



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Devoted Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, F/M, Rey Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Slow Burn, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:41:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 20,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27442093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NightSen/pseuds/NightSen
Summary: "We accept the love we think we deserve."
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 219
Kudos: 351
Collections: Ijustfellintothissendhelp





	1. First Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I know. I haven't finished my other story. Again. It ain't stopping me.

The first time they meet, Ben Solo is nine years old.

It’s the summer before fourth grade, and Leia Organa tells her son that he should go over to Sheev Palpatine’s backyard and play with Rey, the old man’s granddaughter who’ll be staying over for the next two months. She’s two years younger, Leia explains; very sharp, cute as a button, and polite to a fault. Ben’s not interested in a seven year old runt as a playmate though, so he puts off going next door the entire vacation. Every day he hears a hammering sound, or a screeching one from their backyard, but still his laziness and pride are greater than his curiosity. He spends his days by the pool, trying and failing to acquire a tan, and he alternates this by inviting his best friend Armitage Hux over to play video games. Neither is into sports, and both are so pale their reflection could blind a passerby as it the sun hits their skin, so it’s not _too_ often that Leia suggests the boys do some physical activity.

The last day of Rey’s stay in Chandrila (which Ben knows thanks to his mother’s insistence), he finally braves it and walks to the very end of his backyard, where an iron gate separates the Palpatine and Solo properties. The bushes are much taller than Ben though, so he hardly ever sees anything on the other side. Reluctantly, he pushes the gate open and lets himself into his neighbor’s forest-like backyard. It’s well trimmed and filled with thorny rosebushes, but there’s an oak tree on the other side of the property where noises are coming from; doing his best to keep his stride casual, he follows the loud noise that’s been echoing all summer.

He sees a little kid —a tiny girl with three brown hair-buns, a dirty blue dress, no shoes and wide hazel eyes. She’s hunched over a piece of wood, a hammer on her left hand while the other one wipes sweat from her forehead.

Ben is horrified.

“What’re you _doing_?” Ben snaps, closing the last few steps between the two of them and coming to a stop about a foot from the younger girl. She snaps her eyes to him, lips puckered out. She looks displeased with his interruption.

“A birdhouse,” she says, as though it’s logical. It’s not; the planks are all misplaced and, judging from the bandaids on her fingers, coarse enough to hurt. “Who are _you_?”

She’s got a lilting accent that makes her sound older, but Ben is still reeling: who gave a seven year old kid a _hammer_?

“Ben Solo,” he says, scowling as fiercely as a nine-year-old can. “Does your grandpa know you’re doing this?”

He doesn’t know how the old man couldn’t: she’s been making a racket all summer long, and Palpatine isn’t known for his patience.

Still, the young girl shakes her head no defiantly.

“He hasn’t worn his ear piece all summer,” she says smugly, letting the hammer fall to the ground so she can place both dainty hands on her hips. She pierces him with a haughty look, turning her nose up at him. “No boys are allowed in here.”

Ben knows this is bullshit, from the way her lips twitch as if she’s won some nonexistent fight.

“Lucky for you, I’m not a _boy_ ,” Ben retorts, turning his nose up at her. “You shouldn’t be doing this, kid. You could hurt yourself.”

She rolls her eyes so hard he swears they’ll fall out, but they manage to remain in place. When sweat pours down her face, he sees her rub the back of her right hand across her forehead; he sees the barcode tattoo on her wrist, big for her small figure.

* * *

The records show that back when civilization was barely starting to grow, soulmates were born with identical tattoos on their wrists. Humanity was scarce, so finding the one person with an identical figure was easy (unless they were more than a town away, in which case you either died alone or married another person with an unreachable soulmate).

Then towns grew and, eventually, the nature of soulbonds changed. No longer were people born with figures, but rather with a curious set of thicker and thinner lines on their wrists; the moment they touched their soulmate for the first time, the lines would morph into a shape unique to the couple. The soulbonds were useful in nature: when the population was getting out of hand, more same-sex bonds would emerge to thin out the numbers, lest the resources grow scarce for the available people. When nature sensed scarce reproduction, the heterosexual bonds would increase… and so on. It was effective and kept humanity growing, but not _too_ much. That’s what anthropologists said, anyway, but who knows? Maybe there was a deeper reason, but that usually fell on philosophers to think about.

The years went by, and when technology finally caught up, someone in marketing decided to take the idea of the soulmate marks and named them ‘barcodes’, then used the same shapes for smartly tagging products. After that, everyone referred to their soulmarks as barcodes, waiting for the day the lines switched shape.

That is, assuming they ever did.

* * *

“Go away,” the girl —Rey, Ben thinks her name is, but he can’t be sure since he’s ignored his mother all summer long— snaps at him with more viciousness than he thought a girl so young could feel. Her nose is scrunched up, looking between him and her birdhouse as though he might destroy it. He wonders why this is all she’s built when she’s spent months working on it, and he figures that maybe she needs a hand after all. He’s about to offer her help when her nose scrunches up and she bends down to pick up her hammer, eyes flashing in defiance. She’s breathing hard as if his mere presence angers her. “Go _away_ , Dumbo.”

Ben is so angry he slams the gate on his way out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this Rey is kind of bratty. It's hard for me to write her this way because I hate mean people, so it's hard to make her be as blatantly mean as others might write such characters. Still, I'll do my best.
> 
> This'll be a short story with constant but short chapters. Maybe 8? Dunno. Also, congrats to people in the US for surviving the elections, and congrats to the rest of the world for bearing their election season. Y'all might be tired over there, but so are we. Hihi.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Second Meeting

The second time they meet, Rey Palpatine is ten years old.

She’s a whole lot taller than she was three years ago, but she still uses the curious three hair-bun style. Ben hasn’t seen her the last two summers because he was sent away to his uncle Luke’s camp to ‘make friends’, whatever that meant (sure, he and Hux fight every time they meet, but they’re still _friends_ ), so he hasn’t been home. Nor had he wanted, in truth, another meeting with the younger girl.

This time, he finds her as he’s coming down for breakfast; she’s about to sit down at the head of the long dining table, his mother still in the kitchen clanking away as she makes what smells like eggs and bacon. His favorite.

The moment Ben and Rey make eye contact, all his willingness to be mean to her vanishes. Oh, he’d _stewed_ that summer after her Dumbo comment, and he still thinks it was uncalled for to use his greatest insecurity against him —evident to anyone with two eyes.

He’d complained to his mother, who’d smiled like she thought the story was cute and told him to finish up his dinner. Ben’s never felt like Leia is on his side, and that time he’d felt it so strongly he hadn’t talked to his mother the rest of the week. Then he found Leia trying not to cry after _another_ extension to Han’s business trip, so he offered up a truce by bringing her hot tea and cookies. They watched a movie after that —didn’t matter which, since his mom picked and they’ve never liked the same things.

Digressing.

His meanness vanishes, and it’s because he realizes she looks just as displeased as when she was seven; the moment she makes eye contact with him she scowls and presses her lips together, hazel eyes flashing in distaste. Ben doesn’t understand the visceral reaction given that they’d hardly exchanged a word, and if anything, it’s him who should react the same way. He doesn’t because he realizes right then her anger isn’t directed at _him_ —but at people in general.

He confirms this to himself when his mother suddenly steps into the room holding a big plate with scrambled eggs and another one with the bacon. He forgets all about the pesky intrusion and sits down on his usual spot, blushing when his mother off-handedly kisses the crown of his head. If anything, Rey’s scowl seems to grow deeper as she takes her seat. _Polite his ass_ , Ben thinks back to his mother’s presentation of his neighbor.

“Thanks mom,” Ben says before digging into his breakfast. He does so slowly and politely like he was taught, and his eyes bulge when he sees the indelicate way Rey is inhaling her food. He turns to his mother as if asking her to do something about it, but the pristine Leia Organa simply coos at Rey to eat a little slower and keeps piling food on her own plate.

Breakfast is spent in a tense silence only broken up by Leia’s incessant questions towards Rey; how she’s doing at school (alright), if she’s made any friends around the neighborhood this summer (she hasn’t), if she’d like some toast and orange juice (she would). Through it all Ben simply eyes her suspiciously, as if waiting for her to jump at him with a snarky comment at any time. Instead, Rey hardly even acknowledges his existence, pointedly not meeting his gaze again.

“Dear, could you help Ben with the dishes?” Leia asks when the three of them are done. “I need to go check in on Han. I’m not sure if he’s still breathing after last night.”

Last night, Han had gotten piss drunk with his best friends Chewie and Lando in the living room; when Leia had found them, she’d scolded them for thinking they were still young and finishing two bottles of tequila. Personally, Ben just thinks she was upset at not being invited to the festivities.

Rey nods, her face looking much softer as she watches the matriarch leave. As soon as Leia leaves though, Rey’s face sets back into a stony frown as she stacks up plates.

Ben sighs, following from a distance.

Silently, the two kids collect the dirty dishes, wash, dry and clean the table. Normally this would fall to Arthur, their butler, but since it’s a Sunday he has the day off. They keep far from each other, never overlapping in their kitchen duties; the moment they’re done, Rey clears her throat stiffly.

“I have to get back,” she says, looking down at her shoes. “Tell your mom I said thanks for breakfast.”

“Rey,” he says, and she lifts her head only for a moment before letting it drop again. “Did you ever finish that birdhouse?”

Her face, previously stoic, now fills with rage.

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business, _Dumbo_ ,” Rey hisses. “Would you stop butting into my life? How would you feel like if I kept asking you why you’ve got such big ears, huh?”

“Hey,” Ben snaps back, his back straightening. Like this, it’s hard to tell she’s grown at all. “I was just asking, no need to be—”

“Butt _out_ , Solo,” Rey hisses, clenching her hands into fists at her sides. She looks much older all of a sudden; not wise beyond her years, but simply tired. “Don’t talk to me again.”

“Gladly!”

“Good!”

Rey stomps out of the house, slamming the door behind her.

* * *

After that, Ben grows out his hair to hide his ears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear this is going somewhere.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. Third Meeting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people! I'm glad you're enjoying these little snippets; also, just a heads up: this will probably end up being M or E eventually, but I'll see about that. See you on Friday!

Rey and Ben’s third meeting isn’t really a meeting at all.

Ben’s fifteen and about to set off for drama camp; he’d been forced into the theater club for freshman year of high school, and found a surprising aptitude for performing. He especially found himself drawn to the broody type of character, and his club advisor, Mr. Ackbar, had suggested a camp to expand his skills. Ben had agreed, and Han and Leia had seemed only too thrilled to get their kid off their back for a couple of months.

After the last time, Ben and Rey had avoided each other like the plague. Ben knows the younger girl met up with Han a few times to see the older man work on cars, but Ben only heard them clanking around every once in a while. The summer after that Rey hadn’t visited her grandfather, and the one after Ben had gone to visit his Grandma Padme in Naboo, who’d spent the whole time teaching him the ins and outs of public debate. Ben can’t say he enjoyed that, but he _does_ love his grandmother, whom he’s always regarded as being much warmer than Leia or Luke.

Ben is in the kitchen packing up a few snacks meant to last him a couple of weeks when he hears the the front door open and shut. Rey is loud enough that he can hear her a good distance away.

“… and he’s just so _skinny_ ,” Rey complains to whoever she’s with, rustling following her movement. “I mean, it’s so off-putting to go out with a boy who’s skinnier than you, right?”

Ben looks down at himself, at the way his shirt hangs loose and his jeans, which are so big that despite the growth spurt he still needs a belt.

But the girls aren’t done.

“Men should have muscles,” another girly voice declares, and he hears Rey agree effusively with the statement. “Not, like, huge or anything. But you know, big enough to carry you if you sprain an ankle or something, right?”

“ _Exactly_! And it’s…” Rey’s voice disappears as the two girls move further away, and it’s then that Ben remembers his mother saying Rey would be swinging by to use the pool with her friend. Apparently, they want to use the jacuzzi as well, a luxury which old man Sheev does not have out of cheapness.

 _Whatever_ , Ben thinks as he rushes to stuff inside the rest of his snacks in a bag when he hears his father honk at him from the car to hurry it up.

* * *

If after that Ben takes up a regular weight-lifting routine at the gym, it’s entirely a coincidence.


	4. Fourth Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey carries a brick.

When Rey is fifteen, she gets angry at Ben for defending her.

The thing is, he’s driving home from his girlfriend’s. Bazine Netal is an acquired taste, put mildly, but after they hooked up at prom she hounded him until he agreed to date her. He’s not really into her, but he also sees no reason to say no: they both have unchanged tattoos, so it’s not like they’re hurting anyone, and it’s also not like there’s someone he likes. They’ve only been dating two months, and Ben can see himself dating Bazine for a long time unless either of them meets their soulmates, or she cheats on him —honestly, he’s not putting much stock on her loyalty. Bazine might be a little tough to get along with as a friend, but as a girlfriend she’s easygoing and only really hounds him for the social gatherings: they _have_ to go to this party together, there’s a bonfire she’d like to go to, etcetera. Ben doesn’t mind, even if he doesn’t enjoy it; she’s also gone to see a couple of his plays, and she always praises his acting even if he suspects she fell asleep halfway through. All in all, Ben could do worse.

He could do better, too.

So he’s just dropped off Baz and is parking in his driveway when he sees that his neighbor is standing next to a bright yellow car which still has the passenger door open; a short guy is leaning against it, and from the distance Ben can tell it’s Poe Dameron, the golden child from the local public high school. Poe’s also about to be a senior, but since they go to different schools they only really cross paths when their mothers hold a party where their attendance is mandatory. He always hears his mother sing praises about Dameron, so when he sees that Rey is making a face that looks uncomfortable, he can’t help but walk across the lawn —just in time to see the older teenage boy lean forward and press a kiss on Rey’s lips, only for the girl to flinch back. Then Dameron frowns and bends his neck forward again, but Rey looks upset enough that when Ben reaches them he clasps Dameron by the collar of his polo and tugs him back.

“Dameron, can’t you see she’s not interested?” Ben narrows his eyes, and it doesn’t escape his notice that the boy’s barcode has already switched shapes into what looks like a lightning strike. From the direction of Rey’s gaze, it doesn’t escape her notice either.

“Solo,” Poe sizes his opponent up, remembers he’s a head shorter, and lets his shoulders slump. Ben lets him go. “What’s it to you? Cheating on Bazine already?”

Rey’s gaze snaps to the side of Ben’s head at that, but she says nothing. Just watches, as if struggling to understand what she wants to do.

Ben rolls his eyes.

“That’s not _my_ thing,” Ben says with a pointed look at Poe’s wrist. The latter presses his lips together into a thin line, tilting his chin up defiantly.

“I’ll catch you later, Rey,” Poe says, not taking his eye off of Ben. “I can tell when I’m not welcome.”

A moment later, Poe is gone.

“Why the fuck did you do _that_?” Rey throws at him her purse, hitting him square on the chest. It hurts like hell, and when he bends down to pick it up and opens it —he finds an _actual_ fucking brick inside.

“What the hell? Who in their right mind carries a _brick_?” Ben puzzles, holding up the offensive item. Rey doesn’t seem to regret it for a single moment though, and even though Ben would never admit it in a million years, he finds himself amused by the younger girl —and also appreciative of the fact that she didn’t throw the purse at his head. “What were you planning to do, Palpatine? Kill him if he didn’t get your door?”

He throws said brick to the side and sends her purse back to her with a soft throw, and she snatches it up with one of her trademark furious scowls, hazel eyes flashing.

“For your _information_ ,” Rey says haughtily, even placing a hand on her hip for emphasis. “I had things under control, Solo. There was no need for the Prince Charming act.”

Lord give him patience.

“Sure you did,” Ben rolls his eyes, tucking his hands in his front pockets. “The whole unwilling face was real convincing, too.”

Rey purses her lips, holding the purse to her chest. She’s sizing him up, and it occurs to Ben this is the first time they’ve seen each other in five years. Both have changed, even if her hair is still styled the same; both are taller, Rey has hips now and Ben has a developing four pack.

Well, she’s still flat and his ears are still big, so at least a few things haven’t changed.

“You know,” Rey says, in that tone that lets him know she wants to rile him up. “I find it hard to believe you have a girlfriend. Does she know about your ears?”

“Hard to see how she doesn’t,” he says drily, swallowing down the annoyance, and wondering if she has an obsession with them and if so, why. He’s not nine anymore, so the comment doesn’t burn as it used to. “Seriously Rey, say no the next time.”

“Oh my _fucking_ God, would you stop getting involved in my life?” Rey asks this furiously, hugging her bag tighter to her. “I didn’t ask for your help, you asshole. Knock it off.”

Ben tenses, upset about her response. He brings his arms up defensively, crossing them over his chest and straightening his back.

“I was just trying to be—”

“ _Nice_?” Rey snorts, and the sound seems ugly coming from her small body. She’s not meeting his eyes —she rarely does, now that he thinks about it. “Yeah, I don’t think so. I don’t need your help or anyone else’s, Solo.”

“Fine.”

“Fine!”

The two of them turn on their heel and slip into their respective mansions.

They don’t speak to each other the rest of that summer. One night, he hears shouting coming over from the Palpatine house, but he can’t make out what it’s about; when he peers out the window, he finds Poe Dameron’s ugly car screeching away into the quiet night. He doesn’t even know which light belongs to Rey, but he supposes it’s the one that goes out following the dramatic exit. When he offhandedly mentions this to his mother the next morning, Leia says that Mrs. Dameron called saying her son had arrived home in a huff saying he and Rey had broken up.

Just as well, says Leia with a disapproving shake of her head. Poe’s hurting his soulmate every day that goes by and he keeps up the rejection.

Ben feels a vague sense of pity for Poe’s soulmate then, but not enough not to feel happy that the loser’s out of Rey’s life for good.

* * *

He wonders why he feels that way.


	5. The Soulmate

Ben is eighteen when he finds his soulmate.

It’s an accident, as most fateful meetings are. Ben is sitting down on the floor and packing the things he’ll be taking with him to college (he’ll be majoring in business in order to succeed his mother’s company) when he accidentally pricks his finger against something sharp and unseen in the bottom of his socks drawer. He hisses and immediately sticks his finger in his mouth at the same time that Rey unceremoniously opens his door, seemingly on a mission.

Rey is a little taller, but her cheekbones are definitely sharper and she’s wearing jeans which accentuate her figure. She looks nice, not that Ben would say it out loud —time hasn’t made her any nicer, which is a pity since she’s also the prettiest girl Ben’s ever seen.

She probably surmises what happened to him, because she rolls her eyes and sticks her hands down her pockets, coming up with a crumpled bandaid; if she’s anything like his father, she must also wound her fingers every time she fiddles with the cars. He wonders if, like Han, she likes choosing childish designs.

She comes closer and extends it towards him, looking like the kind act is akin to smelling puke.

“Thanks,” Ben says, leaning up to grab it.

Rey’s fingers are long, as are Ben’s. It’s really only to be expected that when Ben accepts her help, they exchange a feather-light touch for a brief moment.

But it’s enough.

A burning sensation settles on their wrists, right over their barcodes. The two of them hiss in pain and hunch over with their eyes closed, as if the reality of watching the shapes change might be too much. Rey squats down in front of him, her hand covering the soulmark; Ben’s fingers are pressing around the tattoo, trying to mitigate the pain without touching it directly —fearful that doing so might make it worse.

Then, just as quickly as the pain arrived, it goes away.

The silence is deafening over the sound of their thundering heartbeats and heaving breaths.

Perhaps an eternity goes by before either of them opens their eyes, or maybe it’s just a few seconds. It feels like forever before they have the courage to unscrew their eyes from their shut position and look at each other.

Rey looks like she’s about to cry; Ben looks starstruck.

At the same time, as if in silent agreement (though they’ve never agreed on anything except their mutual dislike) they look down at their barcodes.

It’s an open lotus flower… in _blue_.

The two of them gape. A non-black soulmark is unheard of, and apparently it has been centuries since two soulmates have presented a flower upon meeting each other. Neither knows what to be most surprised by: the unconventional design, or the near-impossible color. They know that people with very dark skin colors have tattoos a few shades lighter, but besides that, all barcodes are by default black.

And here they are, two people who hardly like each other, with beautiful matching tattoos.

Ben sees movement out of the corner of his eye, and without thinking, he reaches up to grasp Rey’s wrist —her right one.

The second time ever they’ve touched, and the first time that has been intentional.

Her flinch is visible.

“Rey, please. Let’s talk,” Ben says, his voice soft and beseeching. Her eyes fall on his face, and she finds herself unable to maintain eye contact: his gaze is soft and kind, looking terribly different from how she’d seen it for practically ten years. His long hair falls on half his face, making it easier for her to break eye contact.

And all this because now fate has tied them together.

Fate’s cruel, she thinks.

“No, you don’t—” Rey snatches her wrist back, taking a deep breath as she cradles it close to her chest. Her eyes look thunderous, much more than any time Ben has met her. She looks like she’s been caged, but just as Ben makes to stand up and coax her into listening to him she sets her face into a mean one. He doesn’t like it one bit. “—you don’t get to —I’m not… You’re _not_ my soulmate, Ben Solo. Look for someone else, because you’re never touching me again.”

The words, spoken so angrily, root deep into his heart.

Rey sees the moment they hit home, because almost immediately she wants to take the words back. Ben can see it on her face how badly she wants to undo the damage, and the worst part is he’d let her —but then her shoulders straighten and she clenches her fists tight. Her jaw clenches, and he sees it in her eyes how she’s grown resolute.

His stubborn soulmate.

“Do you mean that?” Ben asks, voice rough and eyes glistening. He didn’t know he could cry so readily from a wound so deep, and yet here he is. Breaking into two in front of his neighbor’s granddaughter.

Rey’s chin trembles, and she nods.

“I don’t want you. I, Rey Palpatine, reject our bond, Ben Solo.”

Then she leaves, leaving her second heart crumbled and bleeding on the bedroom floor.

* * *

That night, Ben breaks up with Bazine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will fix this, I swear.


	6. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mention of suicidal thoughts

It’s a long time before Ben and Rey meet again.

Ben goes away to college, as planned. He swings between hopefulness and despair, remembering that he has a soulmate and that he was rejected. It makes things hard for him the first semester, not to mention the intermittent headaches that suddenly appear. He thinks it’s a side-effect of Rey rejecting the bond, but he thinks it’s almost impossible: Grandma Padmé said her headaches appeared nearly ten years into the rejection. Then again, blue tattoos are also impossible, and here they are.

The second semester, he makes a friend —Gwen Phasma, tough-as-nails and so smart he struggles to keep ahead of her out of pride. They become such good friends, really, that he brings her to the restaurant he’s meeting with Hux: the moment the two of them shake hands, their barcodes change shape into what seems like a ship. From then on, Hux is a permanent attachment at Gwen’s side.

The happy couple knows Ben’s tragic story, and they encourage him to reach out to Rey and try to smooth things over. They see the toll it takes on Ben’s body to be apart from his soulmate, and they’re so disgustingly happy with their fated partner that they insist he’ll be over the moon.

They’re so happy, in fact, that he starts growing apart from his friends by his junior year of college. He withdraws further into himself, the headaches nearly constant now and hard to control.

Ben avoids going home because he knows every time he does he increases the chances of Leia or Han seeing the blue lotus, and that’s a conversation he can’t help. He only goes in winter, able to hide behind long-sleeved shirts. Casually, he asks if Han still works with Rey; Leia says it’s very sporadic, what with Rey’s workload, and that oddly Rey has been so distracted she’s nearly burned her fingers enough times she’s not allowed to touch engines anymore without supervision. This worries Ben immensely, but outwardly he just hums and digs into his breakfast. He wonders if, like his headaches, her ability to concentrate diminishes the more time they spend apart.

He tries dating once; a woman called Kaydel from the history department who invited him out for drinks. She’s nice, tall, kind of blond. Afterwards, she doesn’t tell him to call her, and neither does he; truth is, Kaydel says, she hadn’t realized he had a soulmate. She’s still got her barcodes, so she’s hopeful of meeting her fated one. She doesn’t say it, but he knows she thought he wouldn’t be so broody one-on-one; people think it’s a persona he’s nourishing, but the truth is he can’t find much to be joyful about after being rejected by the one person who’s supposedly meant for him.

One day, he goes into the theater club; a freshman called Finn greets him and encourages him to try out. Ben does, something inside him begging for something that’s easy and familiar, like acting. He has the most fun in years, acting angry and sad and happy. Little by little, he remembers how to act out all those emotions, and even manages to feel a couple of them. Finn grows closer to Ben, apparently being in the same major and insisting they have things in common.

Eventually, Finn opens up to Ben; actually, he’d known of him since before. Ben Solo, Han and Leia’s perfect son. Apparently, Finn was also rejected by his soulmate —Poe Dameron— with the reasoning that he wasn’t attracted to men and would never be. Finn says he’d had a girlfriend before that, Rose, but he’d broken up with her as soon as the barcode changed. He’s been trying to convince Poe of giving them a shot ever since, to no avail; it hurts so much he’s thought of going to sleep forever, Finn admits quietly one night in a bar after a couple of drinks. Having your soulmate reject you is akin to hating yourself.

It takes him a while, but eventually Ben admits that Rey’s his soulmate, and she also rejected him. He asks about the headaches, but Finn just frowns and shakes his head no: he’s never had any physical side-effects from Poe’s rejection.

Ben learns to be human again.

He graduates from college and starts a master’s program. Moves in with Finn so they share the rent; goes home on winter and lies that he hasn’t found his soulmate yet. Midway through his master’s, Finn comes home one day crying that Poe sought him out and apologized for all the grief, and that he undid the rejection. It would take time to build up trust and love, but Finn and Poe were willing to try. Ben congratulates his friend for getting a piece of his soul back, even as he calculates how long he has before his roommate moves out.

* * *

That night, Ben goes to sleep crying.


	7. Meet Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The author fucked up a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People, what the fuck? Apparently I didn’t post this chapter and I’m only now realizing??? That must’ve been confusing. Sorry about that. 🌝

When Rey is twenty-one years old, she finds her soulmate again.

She hasn’t seen him in five years, and the time spent apart has been sheer agony. Not just mentally, but physically too; once two soulmates find each other, it’s near impossible for them to stay apart… unless one of them rejects the bond. It doesn’t dissolve it, but it does dull it —making it possible for the time spent apart. Otherwise, they would’ve gone crazy.

Rey heard from Leia that it’s what happened to Anakin Skywalker; he rejected the bond with his wife, not wanting to put her through pain during his fifty-year sentence in prison (the motive of which was undisclosed). Thirty-four years in, he fell apart; the bond was much harsher on the one to severe the bond, and it made him go nuts the more time went by. Padmé, Leia’s mother, only lived one more year after her soulmate passed; apparently, Ben still mourned his grandmother, feeling her absence six years later. So Leia said, at least. Rey wouldn’t know. The reminder of her choice is in her tattoo: the once-bright blue is now a dull gray that speaks of disuse.

Rey is sitting in the furthest corner of Chandrila University’s library, pouring over her notes in preparation for one of her final exams; she’s majoring in mechanical engineering, only a year away from making her dream come true. Her grandfather nearly had a stroke when she told him she wasn’t planning on taking over his business, and he’d gone on a rant over how Anakin Skywalker’s grandson had been grateful and was taking over the family business, unlike her. Rey managed to make her grandfather’s ranting stop when she explained, in careful detail, just how she would bring the enterprise to the ground if he made her take over. Not on purpose, she lied out of a sense of self-preservation, but out of sheer disinterest for money.

After that, Sheev started looking into merging his company with Leia’s.

So Rey is focusing on re-reading the same line for the nth time and attempting to understand it, when she hears it:

Ben Solo’s voice.

“No, it’s really fine. Thank you anyway.”

Her feet move faster than her thoughts.

She nearly trips over herself in her hurry to abandon her study desk and rush in the direction of her soulmate, dropping books and pens in her haste. Sunshine filters in through the wide windows, and she feels the sun hot on her neck as she moves. After a few steps she goes left and finds nothing between the shelves; quickly, not wanting to lose sight of him, she turns around only to slam into a wall.

Only it’s not a wall; it’s Ben.

He grew about an inch since they last saw each other, which makes him a full head taller than her; his arms look strong and muscled, his shoulders broad, his hair a little longer than the last time. The buttons on his shirt are making a valiant effort of doing their job, and if she could she’d look down and see his jeans are doing the same for his thighs. His big hands are clasping her upper arms, keeping her steady.

He’s… well, he’s just as beautiful as she remembers.

“Rey,” Ben breathes, breaking the spell she’s under. He looks mesmerized, as if she’s a sight for sore eyes; she imagines she isn’t, with her hair thrown into a messy ponytail and deep bags under her eyes. The look on his face lets her know he sees none of these things.

She snaps out of it.

“Ben,” Rey says curtly, stepping back and severing their touch. His hands fall to his side after a beat, looking confused and disappointed. Her skin feels cold. “What are you doing here?”

He’s getting his master’s at Coruscant University, she knows thanks to Han. That’s half an hour away by car.

Ben shrugs, sticking his hands down his front pockets awkwardly.

“I needed a reference book. They said I could get it here thanks to some partnership between our universities,” he explains. It rattles Rey how he doesn’t break eye contact, but it also makes her heartbeat slow its race. As if it knows this is what she needs.

Well, screw her heart.

“Alright,” Rey says stiffly, looking down at her feet. “Well, I need to get back. I’ve got a test.”

Before she can walk back to her seat, Ben shoots a hand out and clasps her wrist; her tattoo feels warm and tingly, as if praising her for finally coming into contact with her soulmate again. She frowns, gaze on his hand, and looks up with the question clear on her face: what the fuck.

He huffs, rolling his eyes.

“Rey, we need to talk. Please.”

She tries wrenching her wrist away, but he’s too strong. For once, he doesn’t look hesitant; he looks exactly like a man who knows what he wants.

She wonders if he wants her.

“Let me go,” Rey hisses, and she’s going to spit out something more venomous when she catches his expression. He looks… well, broken. And she doesn’t have it in her to break him further.

“Rey, I can’t,” he says, and for a moment she believes him. His hand indeed cannot let her go. “If I let you go, when’s the next time we’ll meet? Another five years? Ten? I just need five minutes with you, and then I’ll let you get back to studying. Please.”

He’s pleading with her, a faint voice in the back of her head supplies. Nobody’s ever thought she had something worth pleading for.

Against her better judgement, Rey presses her lips into a thin line and gives a sharp nod.

“Five minutes. Let’s go outside.”

He lets her go, and together they walk out. The day’s bright with only a cloud in the distance. It’s Ben’s favorite kind of day, when the sun shines through.

They sit down on an empty picnic table right outside of the library, each in front of the other.

“Talk,” Rey barks out, crossing her arms over her chest. Ben raises an eyebrow at the order, but doesn’t comment. He’s tired of fighting.

“How are you?”

Rey blinks.

“How.. am I?” She repeats the question, and patiently, Ben nods. It’s what he wants to know; instead of trying to decipher his meaning, Rey chooses to humor him. “Like always.”

Not great. Fading away. 

Ben seems to understand this, so he doesn’t ask her to elaborate.

“I’d hoped…” Ben sighs, shaking his head. A piece of hair covers his eye, and Rey fights her brain trying to make her hand brush it away. “That you’d be doing well, Rey.”

Her lips part, and before she can come up with some punishing comment Ben rushes to continue.

“I want to undo the rejection,” Ben starts, and when Rey makes to interrupt again he shoots her a withering glare that makes the words die in her mouth. “I’m not asking you for a relationship, Rey. I just… We can do this on your terms, but I don’t want you ending up like my grandfather. You know what’ll happen to you. You know.”

Yes, she does.

Mouth dry, she tries to swallow what saliva she’s managed to produce. Honestly, she’s already finding it a little hard to concentrate these days. Quite hard to fall asleep. Impossible to laugh. Things that, before the appearance of the bond, came as easy as breathing; now, it’s like her body is physically protesting her stubbornness. It scares her, because if this is what it’s like after five years, what will happen in twenty? Who will she be?

“What are you proposing?”

His eyes brighten.

“Undo the rejection. We can have lunch together every week until you feel stable, satisfy the bond with seeing each other. Maybe we can… we can be friends.”

Rey frowns, already displeased with the idea.

“Soulmates can’t be friends,” she says petulantly, crossing her arms across her chest.

“Soulmates can’t be apart,” Ben deadpans, making her huff and roll her eyes. “Come on Rey. Say yes.”

Suspicious, her eyes narrow and she sets her eyes on his.

“What do you get out of it?”

His smile is sad.

“I get to see my soulmate.”

* * *

They agree to meet up on Fridays.


	8. A Shit Deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kinda fucking furious at Apple tbh. I updated my Mac, and now Pages won't open. Thing is, I've got a mess in my documents and refuse to pay the extra iCloud space because I know I don't need it, so my stories (especially this one) weren't saved on the cloud. I'm fixing this thing tomorrow, but I had to get creative in order to recover this chapter. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy! :)

Ben and Rey meet up in a little diner that’s halfway between their homes.

Their first meeting is a disaster, and both parties are aware of it. Rey arrives half an hour late (surprisingly not on purpose), expecting to find the angriest soulmate in existence —but if anything, his relief at her appearance is so palpable that it makes something twinge inside of her. In retaliation, Rey spends the whole lunch throwing digs at him and answering with grunts whenever he asks something (“How’s your burger?” “How was your week?” “Same time next week?”). She can see how each grunt puts a damper on the shine in his eye, but whenever she thinks to herself she should _actually_ reply what comes out of her mouth is defensive or mean. So, she attempts to keep quiet.

The next ten meetings are much of the same, much to Ben’s frustration. Rey can tell, because after every meal together he grows more careless with his questions and more demanding of real answers. The more irritated Ben grows, the calmer Rey is; she doesn’t think about how her lotus flower is recovering its hue, or how after meeting Ben her performance in tests shot up so much she managed to compensate for her previous terrible results, or even about how she’s been sleeping like a baby.

Sneakily, Rey finds out what she can about Ben without putting forth anything about herself. He broke up with Bazine when their barcodes changed, he’s going to take over Skywalker Inc eventually (a fact he’s surprisingly excited about, though he grew up fighting Leia on it) and he hates pickles so much he even cleans whatever area they touched. In high school, he was in the drama club —she already knew this thanks to his dad, but it’s nice to hear it from the horse’s mouth. Whenever she stares at him for a beat too long he runs his fingers through his hair, and she thinks it’s likely a nervous habit.

Try as she might, Rey can’t help but think Ben cuter and cuter the more time goes by.

She’s willing to keep this up forever, only Ben snaps on their eleventh week as he walks her to her car.

He’s been quiet all evening, as if stewing on his thoughts. Brows pulled together, skin under his left eye twitching, barely asking her anything at all. It unsettles her, but she doesn’t know how to ask if anything is wrong, so she doesn’t. When he suddenly stops in the middle of the parking lot, next to some stranger’s car, Rey turns around to ask what’s up.

He looks small for someone so big.

“Ben?”

He looks at her eyes for a beat too long, and then he shakes his head and sticks his hands down his front pockets, turning his gaze down to his shoes.

“It’s nothing. See you next Friday.”

But she isn’t having it.

“No, _tell_ me you overgrown tree,” Rey accidentally lets slip her usual nickname for him in her head, but she doesn’t even blush in embarrassment. “The two of us can’t mope at the same time. It’s not sustainable.”

He lets out a long sigh, and a part of Rey realizes that this might be her least aggressive comment towards him so far. It makes her feel like shit.

“Is this… it?” Ben asks, and when Rey only gives him a blank look, he lets out a huff and elaborates, bringing his hands up and crossing his arms over his chest. “Me, trying to get closer to you as if this whole soulmate thing only went one way? You pushing me away at any time for any reason?”

Rey scowls.

“You _said_ this was on my terms.”

He scoffs.

“I didn’t agree to being walked over and demeaned all the time, Rey.”

Her heart pounds.

“Soulmates need each other no matter what. They _stay_ no matter what.”

But Ben doesn’t look so sure.

“No, Rey, that’s not a soulmate. That’s a shit deal,” Ben says, making her jaw drop. He never curses in front of her. “I’ve been trying to get to know you for _years_ , and I still don’t even know what you like for breakfast! Rey, I… I _can’t_ love you even as a friend if you won’t let me get to know you. I’m not a saint, a prince or a god —I can’t love blindly, and certainly not when I feel like the one person ‘made’ for me doesn’t even want me.”

Her breath hitches, and she wonders if she’s going to cry for the first time in fourteen years. She doesn’t know what hurts worse: the feeling like he’s about to abandon her, or the knowledge that she’s hurt him so deeply.

To her horror, it seems like the thought echoing in her head is the realization that she’s hurt him.

“Then what’s the big deal about soulmates?”

His grin is small, beautiful and sad.

“I’m still here, aren’t I? Trying like hell to love a woman who looks at me like she hates me.”

Rey doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing she _can_ say, to someone who looks like their world is crumbling.

He waits for her to say something. Anything. Nothing comes out of her mouth.

Ben sighs, tells her to call him whenever she wants to meet up next. Then he turns around and leaves.

* * *

In his absence, she clenches her fists at her sides and fights her trembling lips.

“I’ve never been loved,” Rey whimpers to herself. “So how would I know what love is?”


	9. Hesitant

Rey only lasts a week before breaking down and asking Ben to meet up.

She wanted to ignore him as punishment for hurting her (because he did, even if she wouldn’t admit it), but the truth is her heart aches too much already from just the usual week they spend apart. Soulmates aren’t meant to be separated; for older couples it’s an uncomfortable feeling in their chest, but for the young ones it’s the aches and pains from heartbreak. It seems as though now that they’ve spent time together, their bond is greedy for the two to remain nearby.

Instead of meeting at their usual spot, Ben sends her the pin to his apartment and tells her to drop by for lunch on Saturday. He asks if she’s allergic to anything, and when she says no, he doesn’t reply anymore. It kills her, and she checks her phone obsessively as if trying to get him to elaborate.

She calls Rose, her friend from high school. She’s the only person who knows that Rey has found her soulmate, even if she’s never met Ben. Well, she brought her over to the Solo house once, but Ben was nowhere to be found.

“He wants me to come over for lunch,” Rey blurts out as greeting when Rose picks up. There’s a moment of silence, then a sigh.

There’s only one _he_ in Rey’s life.

“What’s the problem?”

“… He left me on seen,” Rey mutters, letting her shoulders hunch. She’s pacing outside of the library, shivering from the breeze.

Rose snorts, unforgiving as always.

“That’s it? Girl, you’re finally advancing your relationship. Get some.”

Rose hasn’t found her soulmate yet, and truth be told, Rey doesn’t think she wants to; her friend is too uninterested in love, but it seems to come from a different place from Rey’s resistance.

“I don’t —you just — _Jesus_ Rose, you know that’s not what I want,” Rey says, and it’s only half a lie. She doesn’t want that right _now_.

“Rey Palpatine, I’m in the middle of a relaxing bath,” Rose says, and Rey faintly notes that it’s after midday. “I’m going to tell you something right now and I hope you remember you’re my best friend. Ready?” Rey rolls her eyes, but humors her by humming. “Alright. I’m fucking sick of this. Either you want a soulmate or you don’t. This pretzel you’ve got your mind twisted into is grating on my last nerve. Make a choice and I’ll back you up, but otherwise, I’m out of commission for any love talk this week.”

Then Rose hangs up.

Mouth gaping, Rey stares at her phone. It’s not as if she isn’t aware of how brutally honest Rose can be, but she’s hardly ever on the receiving end of her bite. Not that Rey really blames her —she’s hounded her pretty much since her soulmark changed, and Rey can be a little… stubborn. Rose has tried almost everything, from encouraging her to get together with Ben to introducing her to other men who’ve also rejected their mates. So far, nothing has worked.

Sighing, Rey tucks her phone into her back pocket and makes her way inside the library, in for a long night of studying.

* * *

She still has no idea how to feel about being ignored.


	10. Rebirth

If Ben Solo could have one wish granted to him, it would be understanding Rey Palpatine.

He thinks about this as Rey prattles on about the weather, washing her hands in his sink and transferring the salad bowl from the counter to the dining table. She seems almost… amicable, with the way she’s not huffing and ignoring him.

It makes him cautious.

“What did you make?” Rey asks, sniffling subtly. Her stomach rumbles in approval already.

“Lasagna,” Ben says, turning off the oven and reaching for a bottle of wine. That’s when Rey sees the two glasses on the table, and awkwardly, Rey clears her throat.

“I don’t, uh, drink,” she says, looking at Ben’s broad back as he pauses his search for something to open the bottle with.

He only turns his head enough to catch her eyes.

“Do you mind if I do?”

Surprised by the question, Rey quickly shakes her head no.

“Not really. Go ahead.”

Ben nods and gets back to his task, not noticing Rey’s sigh of relief. She’s used to people either asking why or insisting that she should, and it always makes her even pricklier. People can shove their opinions up their ass.

So, as a kind of white flag, Rey figures she can open up a little bit.

“My parents…” suddenly, she loses all her courage. How could she even begin to share this with someone she’s hardly been polite towards? She’s going to completely talk herself out of it when she sees Ben turn and lean against the counter, crossing his arms over his chest. He looks like a man with infinite patience, his eyes soft and the lines of his face relaxed.

It makes up for the courage she lacks.

“They were drunks.”

Ben can’t possibly know, because _nobody_ outside of the Palpatine house knows and Sheev would cut off a finger before admitting his son and daughter-in-law had such a severe problem they met their end behind the wheel after a night of indulgence.

His eyes, though, make it seem as though he _does_ know.

Instead of saying anything, he just nods and reaches to place the bottle of wine back into its rightful place, way above his head; he reaches into the fridge and brings out a can of Sprite.

Immediately, Rey feels guilty.

“You _can_ drink, I don’t mind,” Rey says, and it’s the honest truth. If anything, she feels bad since it feels like she keeps taking things away from him. Too off-handedly though, Ben only shrugs and brings out a second can of Coke.

“Which one?” Ben asks, and Rey points at the Sprite. He nods and places her can closer to her seat, then takes their wine glasses and sets them aside. He grabs normal glasses and quickly fills them with ice, setting one in front of each placemat. Ben makes eye contact for only a moment, clearing his throat. “It might not mean much to you, our bond. But to me it means the only thing I care about is whether or not you’re happy.”

It guts her, how well she understands the sentiment despite how she’s fought against it.

“It _does_ mean something to me,” Rey finally admits, so quiet her voice is almost lost in the sound of Ben popping open the cans and filling their glasses. He looks at her, but she’s staring down at her feet. She’s not wearing heels, but she’s wearing her nicest flats —she wouldn’t have been able to drive here otherwise. “It’s why I’m so scared of it. Of you.”

She doesn’t know where she’s getting all this honesty from, or why their bond feels raw and thrumming.

It’s why she doesn’t fight it when she feels Ben approach, his chest nearly touching her side. Her skin feels like it’s been set on fire when he grabs her forearm, his fingers sliding down until they make contact with her tattoo.

It burns.

“Do you know what the lotus flower means, Rey?” Ben asks, his thumb swiping over the skin softly.

She shakes her head, biting down on her bottom lip. She hasn’t looked it up on purpose, knowing whatever the answer was she wouldn’t be able to take it. All soulmarks have meaning;Rey hasn’t been ready to know hers’.

As if emboldened by the knowledge that all of this, all their suffering stems from her fear, Ben brings her wrist up to his lips. He brushes her tattoo with them, letting the softest of kisses linger.

She meets his eyes, which she figures is what he wanted.

He’s smiling, and she doesn’t think she’s ever seen something more beautiful.

“It means rebirth, Rey. In history, only one living couple gets it every few centuries or so. Said to be the first soulmates in the world.”

“The last two soulmates with this tattoo had pictures, Rey. And you know what?”

“They both looked like us.”

* * *

“And they loved each other madly.”


	11. A Hug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For some reason, I haven't paired Rose and Hux in any of my stories, even though they're my ship. Totally unrelated to this chapter, but it's been bugging me.

Rey is so shaken that she doesn’t speak much for the rest of lunch.

It’s clear Ben doesn’t mind, because this silence is different from all the others. It isn’t stubborn or petulant but pondering, and it gives him hope of a better future. He’s known for a few weeks this information —that he and his soulmate are reborn every so often to the same faces and deepest love— but he’d been waiting for the moment Rey decided she liked him as a person to share it.

It turns out he’s weak, and the first moment she opens up he screws it up.

It’s too much for her, he knows it.

But it’s not his fault; he doesn’t know how else he could’ve conveyed that she doesn’t need to be afraid, because their love is not one that destroys but one that’s nourished the world. He might not be _in_ love with her yet —she’s been far too reticent for that— but he needs her to know their end will be a happy one. Filled with happiness and that, come their next lifetime, they will surely love each other more.

He’s not sure what he talks about, isn’t sure it matters with the lost look in Rey’s eyes. That’s fine though, because at least she’s not storming out and demanding a refund. That would gut him, to know she’s unhappy with the person she’s stuck with.

They finish their meal, and instead of leaving (what he’d been bracing himself for) Rey lingers, helping him wash and dry the dishes. He’s returning the cutlery to its correct spot when he feels arms hug him from the back, slim hands clasping around his stomach. He’s so happy he doesn’t dare to breathe.

“I just… need a hug,” Rey mumbles, her face buried against his back.

Heart nearly about to beat out of his chest, Ben places his bigger hands on top of hers, squeezing.

“Can I hug you too?”

He feels the beginning of her nod and then he’s turning around and crushing her to him. Rey is a tall woman, but he’s a taller man; her head reaches just below his collarbone, and when he wraps his arms around her they land around her upper back. When Ben realizes he’s straining his neck too badly, he wordlessly tightens his grip on his soulmate and lifts her onto the counter.

Like this, he can bury his face in her neck, feel her legs wrapped around his waist, her hands clasping at his shirt, chests pressed together. They’re the most intimate pretzel, their arms and legs twisted around each other and inseparable. So much so that Ben places his palms on her ass and brings her to the couch in the living room, so he can sit while they cling to each other.

* * *

He wonders, for a moment, if they’ll ever drift apart.

* * *

Physiology can be a bitch, Ben thinks as he lets Rey go so she can go empty her bladder. He also accommodates his dick, because even if his soul isn’t thinking about fucking, his lower half certainly is. Then again, Rey has been pressed _right_ against it, so it’s not like he can bend the laws of physics and convince his cock that _that_ wasn’t friction.

When Rey comes back, she looks ready to leave.

He sighs, having expected that. It’s been nearly two hours of just cuddling, and even if his soul needs at least another five years before being ready to let go with minimal complaint, he knows she’s got a lot of thinking to do.

He stands up, coming to a stop in front of her.

His hair’s messed up, and then he runs his fingers through the strands and it’s perfect again. Rey is jealous, but she can’t help her lips from twitching when she notices his ear peeking through.

She reaches up and tucks the hair behind his ear.

He quirks one eyebrow, seemingly confused.

“I thought you’d appreciate the absence of my ears,” Ben says, rearranging his hair so it’s hiding it again.

To his surprise, Rey Palpatine giggles, reaching up again and stubbornly tucking the hair back.

* * *

“What do you mean? It’s what I like most about you.”


	12. Fuck You

_It’s what I like most about you._

The words echo in Ben Solo’s head as he goes on his morning run the following Sunday.

He can believe that Rey doesn’t hate them, even that she has _some_ feelings about the appendages attached to the side of his head. History has made him confident of this.

But _liking_ them?

Her insults of said ears were never vicious, though to a kid being likened to Dumbo is hardly a compliment and now, as an adult, it’s not much of one either. But Rey’s eyes had been bright, and honest, and it’s the first time _ever_ she’s smiled at him.

It made butterflies erupt in his stomach. 

Christ, he feels fifteen again.

Not an age he wants to go back to, especially because it means he’d have to get through all this angst again.

He thinks about her parting words almost obsessively, to the point where it’s the first thing that comes up with Hux when they meet up for lunch.

“She said she likes my ears,” Ben blurts out as soon as the redhead sits down in front of him. Hux, after all these years of friendship, knows to go with the flow.

“She’s lying,” Hux shrugs easily enough, taking a sip from the hot coffee Ben had ordered as soon as he arrived. It’s scalding hot, just as he likes it.

Ben scowls at the redhead.

“She’s _not_ , you soulless bastard,” Ben hisses, hoping that the coffee burned his friend’s tongue off. “I could tell.”

They might be best friends, but there will always be a certain antagonism they cannot break out of.

“Ok, so she’s not lying. Then what’s the problem?” Hux asks, motioning closer the waitress who made eye contact with him.

“There _is_ no—”

“May I have the scrambled eggs and an order of bacon? Oh, and fruit on the side?”

“We’ve got the bowl of fruit with yogurt and granola at ten percent off today.”

“Perfect then.”

Ben glares as the waitress goes away and Hux pretends to return all of his attention to him, clear blue eyes mischievous with the knowledge of how precarious his friend’s mental health is and how little he’s doing to help.

“As I was _saying_ ,” Ben says, wondering for the nth time why he’s friends with this dick. “It’s not a problem. Just an observation. That I don’t know what to do about.”

Hux raises an eyebrow.

“ _Must_ you do anything?”

Well, that’s the million dollar question.

No, he doesn’t. But it feels like he should, when it’s the first hint he’s had after all these years that she doesn’t hate him. Because he’s spent the last sixteen hours obsessing over her words as though they were the very key into a happy relationship.

Ben scowls.

* * *

“Fuck you, Hux.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did any of you know that the actor that plays Hux also plays the hot Weasley brother? Domnhall Gleeson looks super hot with long hair. Also, he has a movie with Rachel McAdams on Netflix if any of you care to see his face for a little while longer. Not as hot as Adam, but he's got his own charm. :P


	13. Teach You

The next time they meet, Rey is far from a chatterbox.

She’s not the nicest person alive, all of a sudden. Ben didn’t think she would be, either way, and it’s not like he truly minds. He knows that despite how long they’ve known each other, they don’t _really_ know the history behind each person. At least, Ben has made a point of not asking either of his parents for information on his soulmate.

Still, this time they meet at a coffee shop near Rey’s campus, and when he gets there he finds that Rey’s already asked for an espresso and a muffin —things he’s ordered before— and the order is waiting in front of her.

“Hey,” Ben greets, slipping into his seat. Rey is sipping from her own tea, looking at him carefully over the rim. He motions to the food in front of him with a small smile. “Thanks.”

Instead of answering, Rey just shrugs, looking over his shoulder at the passersby.

They’re quiet as they eat, both feeling like their souls are slowly mending after the time spent apart. Every week it seems like their bond asks for more time together, and when it doesn’t get what it wants, it makes each of them think all the more about their soulmate. Out of sight, out of mind is unacceptable to their bond, sticking instead to the adage that absence makes the heart grow fonder.

When Ben is eating the last of his muffin’s crumbs, Rey clears her throat. He looks up, and finds she’s seemingly preparing herself for something.

He waits.

“How long have you known about our past selves?”

The question sounds harsh coming from her lips, and when he visibly flinches, he sees Rey’s expression twitch into something that looks almost apologetic. As if she didn’t mean to hurt him, even though it’s all she’s done for years.

He doesn’t know what she wants to hear, so he goes with the truth.

“About a year or so,” Ben says with a small shrug of his shoulders. His hair brushes them, and for a moment Rey can only think of how badly she wants to run her fingers through his black locks. She shakes herself out of it when she realizes Ben is still talking. “I was… Feeling downtrodden by the lack of communication between us, and needed something to hold onto. So I finally looked up the meaning of our tattoos.”

But…

“But you knew, then. When you pushed me.”

Ben purses his lips, nods once.

“I couldn’t have done that without knowing _we_ were meant to be. I was risking our bond, Rey. I’d never do that on a hunch. I knew —mostly hoped, really— that you’d forgive me for that.”

Rey frowns.

All she knows is that his initial promise, that he would stick around in whatever way she’d have him, is real. He wasn’t betting on fate handling things for them, but on himself.

“If I told you I only wanted you to be my friend, would you accept that?”

For a moment, Ben Solo looks gutted: his world is tumbling down, his soulmate is rejecting him _again_ , he is in the middle of a coffee shop as he’s being told he’s not enough. His eyes shine, and unable to take it, Rey takes his right hand in both of hers.

The look he gives her is one that makes her feel like God.

It’s terrifying, knowing she has the power to make or break someone.

That someone can make or break _her_.

“It would make me miserable, but I would,” Ben admits. “Anything for you, Rey. So long as you love me in some shape or form.”

She can feel her lower lip tremble.

“I think you’d be happier if we were in a platonic relationship. You could find someone _whole_ ,” Rey whispers, verbalizing one of her biggest insecurities.

That she’s not enough.

That she’s too broken to be loved.

When Ben sees this, he flips his hand so he has hers sandwiched between both of his. His eyes look far more determined than they did a moment ago, and it makes her heart give a startled kick.

“Rey Palpatine, I don’t need someone who’s perfect. I’m far from it. All I need is someone I can grow up with, and for some reason the universe has determined time after time that you’re that person. If you love someone else,” Ben says, feeling his heart squeeze with how hard that is to say, “or just don’t want _me_ , that’s something else entirely. But if all you need is courage, I have enough for both of us while you overcome your fear of _us_.”

She glares at him, but now it’s her eyes that are watery.

“I’m not afraid.”

“Well, _I_ am,” Ben challenges, squeezing her hands. His eyes are steely, as if he’s getting strength from some place deep within him. “You terrify me, Rey. I’m not interested in you needing me, because you won’t. I just need you to _want_ me.”

Rey licks her lips and fights back the tears threatening to spill.

There’s something he needs to know, if he’s going to insist on this silliness.

“I don’t know _how_ to love, Ben.”

There’s more she has to say, but it’s lost somewhere in the noise of the coffee shop. Her soulmate is smiling at her, crinkles around his eyes and all, showing his slightly crooked teeth.

Her mouth parts.

“That’s ok. I can teach you.”

* * *

It’s a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dislike the sappy scenes where the guy goes after the girl in the airport. Mostly because of technical issues: Are you really going to spend 1k on a ticket you're not even gonna use? Where is your passport? How big is the airport? What about your car, you're really not gonna park it? 
> 
> Dunno, just some parting thoughts. 
> 
> Happy December (which might as well be January, which might as well be 2021, which would mean this year is over)!


	14. Moving Forward

They agree to meet twice a week.

It’s less than Ben would like, but he also knows he has to take things slow with Rey. She’s not quite ready to share, and they’re not quite friends yet. Still, he convinces her that on Saturdays they should have lunch together at his place, and she easily agrees after placing as her only condition that he must cook what she tells him to. Ben doesn’t mind, because if there’s something he’s learned about Rey is that she has two stomachs and feeding her is the easiest way to her heart.

He thinks.

The next Saturday, he makes her chicken Alfredo, then convinces her to stay for a movie. Surprisingly she does, but she picks one of the _Transformers_ movies —possibly to spite him, because all his Netflix recommendations are of old movies, musicals and period pieces. He doesn’t complain though, because he wants this to happen more often. Halfway through the movie though, Rey yawns and stops it —before he can panic and beg her to stay she plays _Howl’s Moving Castle_ , and intrigued, Ben watches.

It’s a much nicer movie, and he spends most of the time admiring the artwork. It’s about a girl who is bewitched into being old, and instead of trying to change back she embarks on a journey with a wizard and his familiars. He thinks it’s nice, how for once the protagonists don’t have a journey or a mission to fulfill and just _are_.

Rey, though.

She looks like she’s got the lines (subtitles) memorized. She’s so entranced by the images that when Ben ventures to thread his fingers through hers, she doesn’t even flinch. If anything, she tightens her grip.

Content, they watch the movie.

When they go to the Italian place Rey’s been meaning to try, Ben finds himself admitting that if he could live on just one meal it would be pizza. He says this because Rey barreled over him and asked for a pizza for the two of them, and instead of fighting her he agrees with her choice.

They’re still mostly silent, but Rey offers up that she usually asks for spaghetti, and Ben that he detests mushrooms.

When Ben pays for the meal (he insists) the waiter smiles as he returns the receipt and credit card, gaze settling on the matching tattoos. His smile widens.

“I hope you and your soulmate had a good time. Please come back soon.”

The waiter walks away before Ben or Rey know what to say, and instead the two walk carefully to their cars.

* * *

If Ben lets his hand linger on Rey’s lower back, and she doesn’t say anything, well.

Neither acknowledges it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just recently watched Howl's Moving Castle, and it's honestly Hayao Miyazaki's cutest movie. (Also I'm scared of Spirited Away so don't even try to convince me to watch it *cough*childhood trauma*cough) 
> 
> See you soon(ish)!


	15. She's a Cat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I'm sorry to any Rebecca reading this.

It’s nearly October when Rey acknowledges that she wants more from Ben.

The thing is, she tried to ignore it. In fact, she’s been fighting her attraction for him since she was fifteen years old and he showed up in front of her house with the idea that he had to protect her from Poe. His features were striking, his longer hair a pleasant development, and the shirt that threatened to burst _more_ than _pleasing_. In fact, that had been the first day Rey had ever masturbated, and even though she’d fought it, his face had popped up in her fantasies.

Not that she’d tell him.

Anyway.

Rey comes to the realization that her feelings towards her soulmate are _really_ far from platonic after she comes out of the bathroom and finds Ben on the phone. They’re at his place watching The Lord of the Rings, and she’d put pause to the movie since the two bottles of water she’d had earlier in the day were finally catching up with her. So when she comes out of the bathroom, wiping her wet hands on her jeans, she stays there for a moment as she scrutinizes the situation.

Ben is sitting a little more relaxed, his legs spread wide and his left arm on the back of the sofa, his right hand pressing the phone to his cheek. He’s speaking low enough that Rey can’t really make out what he’s saying, but she knows she doesn’t like it from the soft smile on his face. She especially doesn’t like it when she manages to make out the name “Rebecca” from the conversation and puts that together with the inappropriate day and time of the call.

Huffing, Rey fights against the scowl threatening to form and instead makes a lot of noise as she walks to the living room. Ben hardly spares her a glance, and this _infuriates_ her.

How dare he speak to another woman? In _her_ presence?

Feeling vengeful, Rey plops down on the couch and, seemingly serene, lays her head on Ben’s lap, looking up at him.

She now has his undivided attention, she notices. She’s a couple of inches from his crotch, a fact which the two of them seem to be highly aware of. Ben stutters through a goodbye, hanging up on Rebecca ( _ugh_ ) and setting his phone down.

“Rey? You ok?”

Rey purses her lips, blinking a couple of times as she gauges his expression. He doesn’t seem annoyed at all, but merely curious. As if seeking to soothe her, he runs a hand through her loose hair, relaxing her a tad. She doesn’t see the blush that’s crawling up the back of his neck, making Ben thankful for his longer hair once more.

“Who’s Rebecca?” Rey asks instead of answering, realizing too late how petulant she sounds. She knows this because suddenly, Ben gets a gleam in his eye that is much too happy for how twisted her insides feel.

“She’s just a classmate. We’re doing a project together,” before she can ask what had made him smile at the woman, Ben offers up his reason. “I was just telling her I had my girlfriend over so I’d call her back.”

Rey blushes something fierce.

She’s transparent, apparently. It feels… odd, to have someone know her well enough to reach such conclusions.

Not entirely unpleasant, but then again, old habits die hard.

“I’m not your girlfriend, Solo.”

Ben just hums in acknowledgement, instead grabbing the remote and hitting the play button. He keeps running his fingers through her hair, making Rey fall into a trance with his repeated movements. It feels pretty good, and the warmth is a novelty she has a hard time fighting against.

They finish the movie, nearly the full two hours with her head on Ben’s lap. It feels nice, warm.

Perfect.

* * *

Ben says nothing, because even if it’s true she’s not his girlfriend —he much prefers the label of ‘soulmate’, and neither of them can doubt the truthfulness of that title.


	16. Similarities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it took me longer to update (and it’s a short one). I’ve just had a really busy week and the coming one will be similar, so please bear with me while I hash the next one out. Hopefully I can get back to a regular update schedule soon. Thanks for reading!

By the first week of October, Rey know she wants Ben to kiss her.

At first, it’s only the subtle things which let her know. Whenever he talks her eyes linger a beat too long on his lips (how are they so thick and pretty?). When she thinks, absently, how he should shave his three o’clock shadow because it might be scratchy.

Then she catches herself thinking about how wonderful it would feel to let him kiss her —and that evolves into fantasizing about grabbing him by the collar and pulling him down for a make out session. That’s when she’s fooling herself into thinking she’s still a sixteen-year-old kid, and when she’s feeling like the adult she is, she lets her hand and mind take her further.

Rey has heard all the stories about how a soulmate is meant to be the one for you. Honestly, even before she’d wound up being soulmates with the boy next door she’d had her doubts; how couldn’t she? Her own parents had been drunks, for lack of a better word, and it seems absurd to her that fate would let two people let each other drown. Hollywood was always portraying soulmates as being opposites, too —the biggest hits were always about how two wildly different people end up being made for each other and being the catalyst for growth.

And Rey might have worked hard not to know Ben Solo, but she knows they’re more similar than he knows. The loneliness they carry is palpable sometimes, as is the burning desire to be loved. They both prefer a quiet night in, and neither is overflowing with friends —but what few they have will last a lifetime. To Rey, these similarities seem far more important than their differences; how they think differently of their family fortunes, how much better his parents are than hers ever were, their opposite interests as evidenced by their wildly different careers. All of those things seem superficial to Rey, at best; that’s not who they are. It’s not what keeps them up at night, what they hide from the world in order to avoid being hurt.

They’re two peas in a pod.

Perhaps that assessment isn’t fair —Ben is much braver than she could ever be. With his heart, she means. He’s true to it, pursuing her even when all she’s given him is derision and silence. She doesn’t think she could have been this relentless after a single rejection, and it’s another thing that makes him admirable, as well as fearsome.

Rey is thinking of all this when they meet on a chilly Wednesday afternoon; they’re at the park a couple of blocks away from her place, the closest she’s ever let him to her sanctuary. While she is a regular presence in his apartment, she hasn’t yet built up the courage to show him the deepest and most private piece of herself. She hopes he’ll like it, when she puts herself out there.

"I won’t be able to see you this coming week," Ben suddenly says, and even as her stomach sinks and her heart hurts, she thinks he looks pretty with the way the wind sweeps his hair. He looks apologetic, but not enough to take it back. Before Rey can dare to ask why, he elaborates. "I’ve got a seminar. It’s in the outskirts of the state, but it’s still a three-hour drive so I’ll be staying at a hotel. If everything goes according to plan I should be back Sunday night."

Rey tries to smile, but she doesn’t think she manages one.

"Want me to call you?"

* * *

And Rey, she’s not prideful enough to say no.


	17. A Call

“Hello?”

“…Hi.”

“Rey!” There’s shuffling in the background, then utter silence. “Is something wrong?”

_I miss you._

“No, it’s just… You said you’d call, and you didn’t.”

_I wanted to see if you were ok. If you missed me too._

“I’m so sorry. It’s been hectic all week, and the only moments I managed to get some free time was when you were in class. Speaking of, don’t you have one right now?”

“…Yeah, but, you know.”

Silence.

“How’s the seminar?”

“Boring. Every speaker has said basically the same thing over and over again, and I’m not allowed to look bored. I wish… Anyway, it seems like I’ll be getting back earlier on Sunday so I was wondering if—”

“I can wait for you. At your place, I mean. If you don’t mind.”

“Of course I don’t. Have you been eating?”

_I’m not looking to be fed._

“Mostly cup ramen. I’m cramming for a test next week.”

“Rey. You need real food. Tell me a craving and I’ll make that for lunch.”

I just want you.

“Maybe we could just ask for pizza. You’ll probably be tired.”

“Doesn’t matter. I like cooking for you. So, give me something to make.”

“No Ben, I mean it. I’ll want takeout. Please.”

A sigh.

“Fine. But we’re getting the thin crust pizza, alright?”

Alright.

“I need to tell you something. And I know it’s the kind of thing I should tell you face to face, but I get too nervous. So, I need to tell you something.”

“I’m all ears.”

The joke is not lost between them.

“I want to try kissing you on Sunday. See how the bond reacts. Maybe we—”

“Rey.”

“Yes?”

* * *

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to complain about how I'm not getting AO3 mail, and then I realized my Drive was so cluttered the mails weren't getting in. fml. 
> 
> See you soon!


	18. Pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly, I just want pizza.

Sunday arrives much too slowly for Ben’s liking.

He wasn’t lying when he said the whole week had been a drag, and he’s been suffering from the side effects of soulmate-withdrawal. Barely sleeping, annoying headache, lots of sneezing. He looks like death warmed over, a fact his classmates are all too happy to point out.

Assholes.

When he drives back home (just a _little_ over the speed limit, enough to assuage his restless heart) he swings by the supermarket for some tomatoes and prosciutto, knowing he has the rest of the ingredients at home. He bumps into Uncle Chewie there, who grunts something incomprehensible —no doubt nursing a hangover if his eyes are anything to go by. Ben unconvincingly promises to go home soon, and then dashes to the other side of the place until he sees the gruff man waddle his way out.

Sighing in relief, Ben checks out his things and rushes home, eyes glaring at the clock as he sees he took _five_ minutes longer than he could’ve. He’ll have a word with his uncle the next time they see each other.

By the time Ben gets home, he’s feeling too restless to even park correctly, even though he’s quite anal about perfect parallel parking. Since his apartment is on the second floor, he always takes the stairs —today he takes them three at a time, thanking his longer legs for the opportunity.

His front door is open, and when he barrels into the kitchen he realizes Rey is already there by the oven, a delicious smell in the air. She’d turned around, possibly at all the noise he made as he came in, so she’s facing him with her back resting against the counter. She has one of those really cheeky aprons on that say Kiss the chef, so he thinks she must have brought it over from her place.

He _really_ wants to kiss the chef.

“Hi,” Rey tries to smile, but it comes out as a grimace. She motions to the oven next to her and the places she’s already set for the two of them. “Sorry I used your kitchen without asking, but… I made pizza.”

Ben doesn’t want to choke, so he clears his throat and tries to get his words out.

“I thought I would make it.”

Rey shrugs, but her eyes drop a little; she’s probably seeing the bags under his eyes.

“That’s fine. I like cooking, too. Just hardly ever have a reason to make anything.”

The insinuation that he’s worth it is, well, exhilarating.

Ben sets his bags on the table, crossing the kitchen in two wide steps until he’s standing right in front of his soulmate.

“It smells really great,” Ben says, keeping his eyes on hers. He bends a little so he can turn off the oven, not wanting charred pizza or a burnt apartment. When he rights himself again, Rey is gripping the counter behind her with both hands, knuckles white from the strength she’s grabbing it with. He can hear her breathing pick up, how her eyes keep dropping from his to his lips. It makes his heartbeat flutter in his chest.

“I made it with real tomatoes,” Rey whispers, eyes widening when Ben takes a step closer. He fights a smile, bringing a hand up to cup her right cheek. There’s flour there, and he can see she snuck some cheese from the way a string clings to her chin. He never thought he’d find such a thing adorable, but his heart is much too willing to love anything that relates to Rey Palpatine.

“Did you?” Ben hums, wiping the cheese away with his thumb. Rey doesn’t even notice, focused as she is on his lips.

“I… yes.”

Ben hums, bending his neck closer.

“Rey.”

“Yeah?” She breathes out, finally closing her eyes.

“Can I kiss the chef?”

She licks her lips.

“Please.”

* * *

A second later, their souls meet for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your patience everyone! Today marks the end of my stress, so now it's just a matter of getting my attention deficit under control to churn out more chapters. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


	19. Breathing

Everyone says that kissing your soulmate for the first time is like having electricity run through your whole body. That it’s like lightning striking you, a feeling that is as painful as it is thrilling.

For Rey, it’s like taking her first breath.

She didn’t know she couldn’t breathe correctly until now. She can describe it as taking her first breath, or like the first time she found out she could just pour liquid soap and water into the blender and that would clean the appliance: pure awe, excitement, _comprehending_. Maybe her analogy sucks, but it’s not every day you kiss your soulmate for the first time.

She’d kissed boys before. Poe Dameron for one, and then the boy she’d lost her virginity with, Snap Wexley, a couple of weeks before finding out about who her soulmate is. Two other random boys she’d thought would help fill the hole in her soul.

Kissing any of them is laughable compared to kissing Ben Solo.

He smiles into the kiss, like he’s just given her the breath she’d been lacking and is happy to have helped. Like he’s fortunate to have her, so much so he kisses her a little deeper and a little sweeter. His lips are thick, and they chase hers as she tries to draw back a tiny bit. It makes her heart flutter, though she’s not quite sure it’s not a heart condition with how dizzying it is.

When they separate, her ears are ringing.

There’s that strange sensation like you’ve been deprived of oxygen, and suddenly you can take lungfuls of it when you weren’t totally expecting it. They rest their foreheads against each other’s, and even if they can’t hear each other, they can feel how hard they’re breathing. Ben’s hands are still cupping her face, his warm breath ( _very_ minty, Rey notes) gently caressing her skin.

He leans forward to press a soft kiss to the corner of her mouth.

“Rey, I can’t…” Ben begins, swallowing hard. The words start to make her stomach feel like lead, but then he continues. “I can’t go on being platonic soulmates with you. It aches too much.”

It aches for her, too.

“I’m scared, Ben,” Rey whispers, placing her hands on top of his and clasping them tightly. Not sure if she’s going to pull him closer or further. “I don’t… I don’t know _how_ to love _anyone_.”

The problem had never been him.

Always her.

The cursed child.

The abandoned one.

And him, loved by a multitude of people who’d only ever given her scraps of love which had overflown.

But she doesn’t know that all the love he has to give is for her; it’ll take her a while to know, too.

Heart aching, Ben doesn’t even think before pressing another tight kiss to her lips —this one trying to tell her how wrong she is with his actions, and how he’ll work a lifetime to prove her heart is bigger than they know.

He doesn’t tell her that he has enough love for the two of them, even if it’s true. He’s not looking for a lifetime of solitude and self-doubt, and what’s more, that love will never be enough. He needs hers as well, because that is the way nature decided things ought to be.

Ben might be a complete person, but he just knows he could be so much more with the right person by his side.

They can overthink it all they like, but nobody was born to be alone.

* * *

The two soulmates kiss again and again, until all is right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Irony: My asexual ass writing about soulmates needing each other. (Can there be a sexuality that only responds to fictional ships? I'll Google it)
> 
> Also Merry Christmas to whoever celebrates it! I won't update until after the holiday, so I might as well wish y'all a happy holiday. Obviously, happy holidays even if you don't celebrate it, and I hope everyone spends these days with their loved ones in a safe way. :)
> 
> As always, thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm working to reply to all of them.


	20. Big Spoon

It’s harder than either thinks it would be, getting used to feeding the bond.

Not that being together is hard —what’s nearly impossible is reminding themselves that they’re each individuals with lives apart from each other, who don’t even live together, who have responsibilities.

At first, it’s like they’re stuck together.

Rey all but moves into Ben’s apartment, limited only by the increase in distance to get to class. They fix this easily enough by having Ben sleep over at Rey’s during the weekdays, since his schedule is more relaxed than hers. Still, they both prefer Ben’s place because his neighbors _aren’t_ in the habit of listening to Led Zeppelin at two in the morning.

Physical affection is difficult in the beginning, because contrary to what Rey thought would happen, Ben is quite reserved. He’s not hugging her all the time, or sneaking kisses before bed, or trying to sneak into the shower at the same time as her. It’s the kind of thing Rey sees in the movies —how a fresh bond makes not touching each other painful.

So, whenever they fall asleep, Rey tries first to just touch their toes together —this plan fails spectacularly because her toes are always frozen and make Ben flinch. So she keeps her toes to herself and starts wearing socks.

Then when they go grocery shopping, Rey tries to hold Ben’s hand as they walk down the aisles… but something always just so happens to catch his eye, pulling his free hand away. Rey doesn’t _think_ he does this on purpose, but at some point this becomes the insurmountable challenge she must defeat without letting Ben in on her plan.

All things considered, this is a small problem to face. Any time Rey leans up on her tiptoes and pulls her head back, fist grasping his shirt, Ben is quick to bend down and press a kiss against her lips. Or when Rey finally gathers the courage to clasp their hands together while watching a movie, and he squeezes back. They always take it as far as Rey lets it, which isn’t too far considering how horny she is. It’s just —hard, knowing someone is so close to your body and heart.

They start opening up more to each other. Rey isn’t ready to bare herself entirely, but she _does_ admit that she used to go to boarding school. It’s where she met Rose, her best friend. Ben asks if that’s the girl she used to invite over to his house, and Rey says yes.

“I was very angry all through primary school,” Rey admits one night, when they’re about to fall asleep on her bed. “Nothing made me happy, nobody understood me, everything was dumb. So I didn’t have friends until Rose transferred in.”

“She must be special.”

“She is.”

Ben tells Rey about wanting to be an actor nearly all through high school, which surprises her. He says the only reason he gave up that dream was because he’s never been cut out for the public lifestyle which would inevitably follow. Rey asks if he still puts on plays, and Ben admits he hasn’t in a while, but he was in the drama club in college and he still meets up with a few of the members every once in a while. He can ask them for the copy of one of his performances.

Slowly, conversation trickles off. The land of dreams is pulling both under quickly.

Rey ventures to put herself out there.

“Can we cuddle?”

Ben is only aware enough to hum in agreement. He opens his arms, but finds Rey pressing her chest to his back, hiking a leg over his hip and her hand on his chest, her nose buried in the back of his neck.

She breathes deep and falls asleep.

* * *

It turns out Rey likes being the big spoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a great time last week! Also, we've only got like three days left of this hellish year, so bear with me.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> :))


	21. About Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy 2021 everyone! I hope you all had a lovely time with your loved ones, and that if you spent it alone, you read a lot of fan fiction! :))

The next hurdle the couple faces is deciding what to do about Han and Leia.

Both of them want to let them in on the secret, share the joy of having found each other after all these years apart. It’s also really not a mystery to anyone how badly those two have wanted Rey and Ben to be soulmates, and how increasingly suspicious they’d become of not socializing with both kids at the same time in years —that’s without even mentioning how all of a sudden they wore jackets or shirts covering the soulmate mark.

 _Very_ suspicious.

Neither is particularly interested in telling old man Palpatine, so they know where to direct their energy.

The first time they discuss it, it’s only a week after Ben got back from his seminar. They were making breakfast and the conversation came up midway through cracking the eggs. Ben offhandedly suggested visiting his parents, and Rey only shrugged that maybe they could give it a little time.

Ben agreed, thankful for the reprieve.

A month later they find themselves all the way across town, mindful of not bumping into Ben’s parents because how _lame_ would it be to get caught by your rentals on a date? So, this time Rey suggests that they visit Ben’s place, and reluctantly, Ben agrees.

He calls his mother, says he’s brining his girlfriend home.

Leia only grunts because Ben’s dating history is not only dismal, it’s _Bazine_.

So Ben drives them to his house, Rey’s hand about to cut off circulation from his with how tight she grips it, the other one busy holding onto the cheesecake. He doesn’t really know why she’s so worried, but every time he asks she only tightens her hold on him —in other words, it’s his survival instinct that leaves him in the dark.

“Rey, you know my parents love you, right?”

 _Yes, but do_ you _?_

“I know,” Rey huffs, finally letting go of his hand. They’re parked in front of Ben’s place, just waiting for her to build up the courage. She looks down at her pale palm. “But what if… they don’t love me for _you_?”

Ben rolls his eyes.

“Rey, not only is trying to separate soulmates the most useless exercise in existence, Han and Leia would love you for me even if we _weren’t_ fated. All of this is besides the fact, you know. The only thing that matters is whether we want each other, and I for one can only think about you.”

Rey smiles, and it’s genuine.

“I can only think of you too.”

They stretch to meet in the middle and share a soft kiss —it smells like Rey’s chewing gum and Ben’s veggie sandwich, and when they part Rey is a little cross-eyed from the proximity.

“Come on, let’s do this.”

They get out of the car and walk hand in hand to the front door. Ben has the key, but after one particularly traumatizing encounter a few years back he refuses to walk in anywhere without due notice.

The bell rings.

Footsteps ensue.

“Finally, you’re late B—” Leia’s eyes brighten despite her grumbling as soon as her eyes settle on her son. Then they widen as they register Rey, trailing down to take in how their hands are clasped together. They can see the wheels turning in Leia’s head as she sees the matching lotus marks, the vibrant blue that they’re stained with.

When the retired senator makes eye contact with her son, her eyes are shining.

* * *

“What the fuck took you two so long?”


	22. The Birdhouse

“My parents died when I was seven.”

The confession is made in the middle of the night, a hushed statement that could’ve been lost in the meadow. Ben and Rey decided to camp and try something new; the day had been filled with attempting to set up the tent, start a fire and pretend either of them knew how to fish. They ended up eating Cheetos for snacks and s’mores for dinner.

C’est la vie.

They’re lying on their backs while looking at the stars, a blanket protecting them from the dewey grass and the bug spray tucked between them. Rey is resting her head on Ben’s extended arm, content to cut off the blood flow to his limb so long as she as a pillow.

That’s how he sees it, anyway.

At Rey’s words, he remains silent even though he feels like his heart is squeezing painfully in his chest. He knows if he says anything she’ll stop.

After a couple of beats, she continues.

“Drunk driving, obviously. So, that summer I was sent to live with my grandfather, who’s my only living relative.”

The cicadas can be heard much too clearly in the dead silence that follows; thankfully, Rey isn’t deterred from her moment of truth.

“I spent that whole time trying to build a birdhouse. Sheev, he… He didn’t care to explain death to me, so he just told me my parents flew away. I thought I could make them a home to come back to, since my mind decided they’d become lost birds.”

Ben isn’t sure he’s strong enough to keep hearing this story, so he considers for a moment asking Rey to stop. To let him process this, let him cry his heart out before the wound becomes deeper.

His ignorance hurts.

“Your mom spent the whole summer praising you, you know. And it just… hurt, thinking that you had such a loving mother while mine never even celebrated my birthday.”

And then he comes along, an arrogant young boy who thinks his little neighbor is a bother who spends months hammering away at something.

He sees it now, how angry she really must’ve been then. How lonely, without anyone to even call a friend to hold her. Ben imagines what she saw then, when he strolled into her garden without a care in the world: a boy whose parents loved him, whose mother hadn’t flown away while she was stuck with Sheev.

Hindsight really is everything, and at the same time, useless.

All he can do is turn on his side and brush the back of his fingers down her cheek, lovingly and thoughtful.

She shivers.

Wonders what he’ll say, what platitudes he’ll give or uncomfortable joke he’ll make.

Rey should’ve known to expect more from her soulmate.

* * *

“Well, how about building that birdhouse now?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wonder how many of you have unhealthy obsessions with manga/webtoons/etc like I do, because honestly writing is so hard when I've got to read both the webtoons AND the light novel versions. 
> 
> If you haven't, I suggest you look into the rebirth/isekai tropes. It's honestly so fun. 
> 
> But first, finish reading my stories. 
> 
> :P


	23. I Love You

The birdhouse they build is, quite frankly, mediocre.

It can’t be very big because neither has enough space in their apartment, so they make a version which could maybe fit a cell phone inside. It has four walls (one with a hole) and a nearly-flat rooftop. Neither has ever been good at arts and crafts either, so when they paint it the end-result isn’t much better.

Rey, however, loves it.

“It’s exactly what my parents would’ve made,” Rey declares, thinking it’d be too much to say they didn’t deserve anything better. Even if she thinks it, she also knows the universe can do without her negativity for once.

Ben looks at her quizzically, but doesn’t fight it. He nearly lost a finger trying to hammer two walls together, so it’s not like he’s about to offer doing it over.

He loves her, but he also likes his fingers right where they are.

The thought makes everything screech to a stop.

_I love Rey._

It’s far from an unwelcome thought, but it’s certainly unexpected. Most soulmates don’t _fall_ in love with their significant others, they’re just in love. It’s the kind of thing they tell each other as soon as they meet, because the feeling is so overpowering it cannot be anything else. They might not know each other, but they know deep in their souls that they’re in love.

With Rey, it’s not like Ben didn’t instinctively know that he was meant to love her for the rest of his life. But she immediately rejected him, and it had left such a gaping hole inside of him that it’d be a lie if he said he had half a mind to think about anything else. Besides; most soulmates didn’t find each other after years of knowing each other, because how rare is it to not even accidentally touch someone you’ve known so long? This meant that Ben already had certain feelings about Rey before their bond manifested, and most of these weren’t favorable.

So it’s while assessing their shit job of a birdhouse that Ben realizes he _fell_ in love with his soulmate, not because it was expected but because he came to like her. He likes how strong headed she is, how she spoons him to sleep, how her stomach seems to be an endless void. Likes that she wants to hold hands with him every time they’re outside, how she always ends up showing her true feelings in her face no matter how hard she tries to hide them. Likes how beautiful he finds her and how brilliant she really is. He even likes her snorts, which always makes her shoot him a wide-eyed look as if hoping he didn’t hear that.

Not everyone likes their soulmate.

Ben does.

While Rey takes pictures of their project, he comes up from behind and wraps his arms around her waist, resting his chin on her head. She lowers her phone, putting her free hand on top of his forearm. He’s pressed tightly against her back, and just when she’s about to suggest they _finally_ do the dirty he speaks.

* * *

“I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a great weekend everyone!


	24. What I Can Give You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This girl is on fiiireeeee.

Ben hasn’t said he loves Rey once even by accident.

Neither has she, but then she hasn’t told anyone she loved them in all her life. Therefore, it became the kind of thing Rey could only wait impatiently for —to know that her ship had an ocean to sail on, that whatever she gave would not be turned away. It’s absurd, she knows; they’re soulmates, and disliking your soulmate is the same as saying you do not like yourself.

It’s the reason why Rey’s had the toughest time learning to let Ben in:

She’s never loved herself.

Her parents didn’t think she was worth surviving for, her grandfather only called on her to give her orders and the boarding school she’d been sent to thought of her as little more than a troublemaker. It took Rose arriving for her to realize she wasn’t an unlovable monster, but this did not by any means heal the wounds inflicted by indifference and terrible choices. Sure, her attitude towards others didn’t help, but she didn’t know any better.

So Rey had lived her life, barely accepting others into her heart and trying to understand what would happen should she let anyone close. Rose is an amazing girl, but she’s not the warm and fuzzy type either; in their friendship, neither has ever told the other how much they mean to each other. The closest thing to ‘warmth’ throughout Rey’s life has been Han Solo and Leia Organa, but then they weren’t _her_ parents —so she kept her heart at a distance.

_I love you._

It’s what Rey has been waiting almost her entire life to hear, and she expects that her heart is suddenly going to grow three times larger and she’ll laugh and cry and tell Ben Solo she’s madly in love with him too.

Only, she doesn’t do this. Can’t even manage it because almost the second Ben drops this bomb, he presses a kiss to her temple and lets go.

Rey wants to demand a do-over, preferably one where she isn’t wearing a sloppy ponytail and has a zit on her chin. But when she spins around, Ben is already stepping closer to the kitchen and whistling as he pulls out pots and pans to make dinner.

“ _Ben_!” Rey whines, stomping over to him and sticking out her stubborn chin, arms crossed over her chest. Ben barely spares her a look, simply stretching to get the pasta from the top shelf.

“What?”

The nerve.

“You can’t just… I mean, did you…? How…!” Rey is flabbergasted by his attitude, not even knowing where to begin. Or maybe she can. “You can’t just say _that_ and then walk _away_!”

Ben rolls his eyes good-naturedly, reaching into the cupboard for their plates.

“I didn’t walk away, I’m making dinner.”

Rey rolls her eyes right back, see how he likes it.

“Same difference,” she huffs, outraged by how he keeps moving around the kitchen as though everything’s fine. “Ben, don’t ignore me!”

She’s screeching by this point, but she doesn’t mind. She feels like she’s losing her head and needs someone to screw it back on.

“I’m not ignoring you,” Ben says calmly, looking into the drawer for two sets of forks and knives. Should he get spoons? Rey’s such a messy eater she never uses it anyway. Shrugging, he grabs one spoon for himself. “I’m simply trying to convey to you that there’s no need to get freaked out.”

“I’m not—!” Rey abruptly cuts herself off, taking a deep breath. She rubs her eyes with the back of her hands, feeling an oncoming migraine. “You didn’t even wait to hear what I had to say.”

Ben laughs, and even if it’s not unkind, it’s not the joyful kind either.

He sets the eating utensils aside, turning around so he leans his hip against the kitchen counter, crossing his arms over his chest as well.

“Rey, I said it because I meant it, not to hear it back. That’s not love, that’s fear.”

“What?”

“Love isn’t something you give because it can be returned. It can’t be helped, and it makes you happy. If I said I loved you to hear it back it’d be because I’m afraid for our relationship, or because I don’t have confidence in myself. And I’m not, and I do. We’re forever, Rey.”

Rey swallows hard, letting her arms drop.

Her shield cracks.

“Why? Because our love’s so strong we were reborn? Because we’re soulmates?”

Ben gives her a tender smile.

* * *

“Sure. But also because here we are, against all odds. Giving each other whatever we have to offer: body, soul or heart.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much for all your sweet comments. They make me smile every single time. :D))
> 
> P.S. Sorry she didn't say it back like I'm sure many of you hoped for. But really, did ya think change is that easy? Our girl's getting there though, so give her some time. :) Not much tho, cause Ben Solo's a hunk.


	25. Yours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been reading a lot of stories set in like the Victorian era, so I'm having a hard time not writing all proper and stuff. 
> 
> Also, I wonder how many of you also feel this way: I LOVE reading of possessive characters. Like, adore. The whole jealous and possessive trope is my guilty pleasure (also cause the sex tends to be h0t). But... I hate people like that in real life, and would break up with someone if they even once tried getting jealous over me. Dunno, it's weird how different the content I read/write is from what I want from real life. I wonder why? Mm.

“You’re very cheesy,” Rey finally tells her soulmate a few beats after the imposing line he gave her.

Ben flushes all the way to his ears, but he doesn’t deny it.

It’s the actor in him.

“You could pretend not to know,” Ben sighs, turning away from her to return to the important task of making dinner. “Otherwise, you’ll embarrass me into being prickly instead.”

“No way,” Rey immediately shakes her head, taking two steps closer to him but not touching yet. “I like you cheesy.”

Ben shakes his head, but Rey can catch the smile forming from a mile away.

She wonders who could’ve expected her soulmate to be a big teddy bear inside, despite his intimidating exterior.

Certainly not her.

Up until she was sixteen, she seriously thought if she ever found her soulmate it would be someone just like her —bitter, callous, rude and unloved. Even if she didn’t meet with Ben often back then, every time she did the pit in her stomach seemed to grow deeper: every time Leia said a fond word of her son, or whenever Han complained about how his kid wouldn’t deign to touch an engine, or even how Luke begrudgingly said the company would be in good hands if it was passed on to Ben. She wanted to think that such a spoiled boy would grow up haughty and awful —but instead, it turned out that he outgrew his circumstance while Rey let hers thwart her spirit.

He’s the positivity to her negative.

Sometimes, Rey swings before thinking they’re exactly alike and feeling like they’re complete opposites.

It’s nice, either way.

“Hey, Ben.”

He turns to look at her from out the corner of his eye, stirring the pasta in the boiling water. Rey is just a step away, but she feels quite far to him.

“I’m sorry I can’t say it back right now, but… Thank you.”

Ben frowns, facing back to the pot.

“For what?”

He just did what was natural.

“For not giving up on me.” Rey shrugs, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world for nobody to try hard. “I’m glad you’re my soulmate.”

He turns to look at her, and without even waiting to see if she has something else to say he closes the distance between them, taking her jaw in his hands and pressing a bruising kiss on her lips.

She’s surprised, still unused to him initiating physical contact, but not at all reluctant. She easily opens her mouth and lets his tongue in, humming when he licks the roof of her mouth and proceeds to bite her bottom lip, taking it into his mouth. It feels like he wants to devour her, and Rey wonders what would happen if she let him.

But then, Rey’s not all that skilled at kissing, and she quickly lacks air and breaks apart to gulp in some. Instead of pulling away like he usually does, Ben trails kisses to her ear, softly kissing her earlobe.

“You’re my soulmate, Rey Palpatine.”

My soulmate, my girlfriend, my future.

* * *

“But me? Everything I am, and everything I have, is yours. Always.”


	26. A Galaxy Far Away

Time seems to run away from the couple of soulmates after that.

Life seems to demand they put their romance to the side while they catch up with their professional and academic lives. Rey finishes her undergrad degree with honors, and even though Sheev can’t be bothered to attend her graduation she has the Solo family (and the unofficial uncles and aunts) whistling so loud she flushes. When Ben successfully defends his thesis and achieves his master’s, Rey greets him as soon as he steps out with a beaming smile and tickets to the biggest play of the year.

That summer, Ben starts work at Skywalker, Inc. from the bottom of the food chain. He’s so busy that he and Rey hardly see each other for a month —and they feel so wretched that it finally gives them the final push for officially moving in together. Rey’d been reluctant to give in, but it’s the kind of thing they couldn’t put off any longer.

It’s a Saturday afternoon, and while Ben is at the office turning in some last-minute files Rey is preparing the last of her documents to begin her master’s degree in the fall. She has Rose on loudspeaker, humming along to her latest sexcapades (this time, she’s saying something about a threesome that included a guy with a fetish for _ponies_ ) when she hears the front door nearly slam open, followed by a series of curses that sound like they come from her soulmate.

Worried, Rey tells Rose that she’ll call her back (for once, she’s not lying —she really wants to know how the pony guy did in bed) and leaves her spot in the kitchen, going around to find Ben.

He’s sitting on the couch, taking deep breaths in and out. He’s covering his face with his hands, and she can see his satchel is thrown at his feet. He’s muttering something to himself, and only when she gets close enough can she make the words out.

“Fucking Luke.”

Rey sighs.

While it’s true that her soulmate is an angel with the patience of a saint, his uncle Luke can break that patience just by looking at his nephew for a beat too long. Rey doesn’t quite understand where all the bad blood came from, and it’s something she’s sure will take some time to figure out. Every time they fight, all Ben wants to do is have sex and forget that it ever happened.

Not that Rey ever complains, really.

She rather enjoys doing the dirty.

This time, though, Rey doesn’t let Ben divert her attention. As soon as she sits down next to him, Ben turns and starts pressing wet kisses to her collarbones, grabbing her hips and settling her on his lap. She lets him for a couple of minutes, even losing herself a little when he tackles her lips with his hot lips, letting her hips rock against his.

Then he moans, and it breaks her out of her trance.

“Ben,” Rey mumbles, breaking apart. She’s breathing hard, and as she settles her palms on his chest she manages to make eye contact; he looks a little lost, the way he always does after a fight. “Ben, talk to me.”

He stubbornly presses his lips together.

“What did Luke do?” Rey asks softly, and before he can spit out a venomous response she tangles her fingers in his hair just the way he likes it. She runs her fingers down his locks, watching as he visibly deflates and sighs.

“Sorry about that love,” Ben closes his eyes, letting himself enjoy her touch. “It’s just… _Fucking_ Luke. He always barrels over my opinions like it’s nothing, you know? I say A, and if he’s in the mood, he’ll fight me on it even though he _also_ thinks like me. I’m so fucking tired of fighting him, Rey. The worst part is even when he’s not my boss, he’ll still be my uncle. And I like both versions of him as much as I like your grandfather.”

Rey laughs, because even now Ben can’t help the drama kid inside him from poking out.

“Honey, you know Luke lives to spite you, and the only thing you’re doing is letting him win. You do you. Just… _listen_ , alright? Every once in a while, maybe Luke will say something worth paying attention to.”

Ben groans as if the very idea pains him.

“I’d be happy to just go to work one day and be told he’s on a work trip overseas, you know? He even bothers me during my lunch hours,” Ben grumbles. He lets out one last sigh and crushes his soulmate to his chest, feeling his shaky world stabilize once more. He’s still pissed off, he still wants to give his uncle a wedgie and maybe rub one out to calm down, but more than anything, he’s glad he’s got Rey.

* * *

He loves her, all the way to galaxies far, far away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Only two chapters to go. :))


	27. Dumbo

“Hello? How many times must I ask you to _remove my name from your list_? You f— Hello? Hello! _Shitheads_.”

Ben angrily hangs up, throwing his phone down next to him on the bed. He can’t believe that he hasn’t managed to get a measly bank — _which he’s not even affiliated to_ — to stop calling him. He’s had Mitaka, his personal assistant, go above and beyond to get him off the list of callers, and all to no avail. He’s between switching his phone number and suing the company that has the balls to keep calling; whichever gets those shitheads to stop calling him even on his days off.

Groaning, he gets out of bed and stretches. The call woke him up, and it was only made that much worse by realizing his soulmate wasn’t in bed. This means he has to go looking for her in order to receive his morning dose of love.

Barefoot, Ben walks sleepily down the stairs to the kitchen; usually, this is where he finds her in the mornings, attempting to make pancakes or bacon (this usually ends up in smoke reaching the bedroom and letting him know where she is). He quickly changes directions towards the garage when he hears banging though, and he lazily runs a hand through his hair so he doesn’t look so bad to the nosy neighbors.

About three years after Ben started working for the family business, he and Rey decided they wanted to buy a house. It’s in a good neighborhood with lots of parks nearby, and the house isn’t monstrously big; the two of them grew up feeling isolated because of that, being too conscious of the empty halls echoing with their steps. Early on they decided they preferred a cozy home, and so it is: the garden is filled with colorful flowers (planted by Rey because Ben would sooner die than accidentally touch a worm) and every piece of furniture was carefully chosen by the couple (Rey got dragged to Ikea). There’s an attic that serves as Ben’s home office while the second floor has four bedrooms, and the basement houses a home-theater that is mostly used as a sex den.

Anyway.

Rey mostly spends her time in the garage fixing cars —not really on his because a Silencer is pretty much perfect, though the same can’t be said about the Falcon they inherited from his father— while Ben has taken up playwriting in his free hours. He’s not great, he thinks, but then he’s only just gotten started. He has time.

Stepping out into the annexed garage he finds Rey lying down beneath the car. She appears to be wearing her trusty overalls, and as always, he has to call her name quite a few times to catch her attention. He once tried knocking her foot with his, and that did _not_ end well for him.

“Give me a sec, Ben!” Rey calls out, and all three seconds later she slides out of her spot —cheeks already greasy. Sitting up, she gives him a radiant smile. “Morning baby.”

“Good morning, Mrs. Solo,” Ben grin backs, extending a hand out to help her up. She used to refuse such help under the excuse that her hands were greasy, and it took Ben pouting a few days for her to finally relent. “Might I ask why, _again_ , you abandoned our cozy room in favor of the garage at—” Ben makes a show of looking at his watch, “Seven in the morning? On a Saturday?”

Sheepishly, Rey shrugs.

“I’ve been up since five. I got up to pee and couldn’t fall back asleep,” Rey explains, grabbing the towel she’d shoved into her back pocket to clean her hands as much as she could, cleaning Ben’s once she’s done. “What about you?”

“The bank,” Ben sighs, shaking his head in annoyance. “I’m about to switch numbers, I swear.”

Rey thinks he should’ve done that months ago, but well. It’s not her who gets woken up by the phone calls ( _she_ sleeps like a rock).

“Well, if you do, just remember I’ve gotta be the first contact you save,” Rey winks, leaning up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to the corner of his lips. Ben smiles down at her, grabbing her cheeks and leaning down to deepen the kiss.

Indeed, nobody tells you the peace you find when you touch your soulmate. How all the noise just drifts away and whatever felt like a weight is lifted. All these years later, he still feels a bit like his heart is tingling and giddy when they kiss, which is odd considering how… aggressive… they can get in the bedroom.

“Love, if it were up to me you’d be the only contact I have,” Ben mumbles against her lips, and feeling her smile, can’t hold back from teasing. “Well, you and Mitaka. Otherwise I’d die.”

Laughing, Rey tugs on his locks and pulls back, eyes twinkling.

“Come on, Mr. Smooth. I’m starving,” Rey says, grabbing his hand and leading him into the kitchen.

“Hey hey,” Ben stops her. “Wanna go out for breakfast instead?”

“Yes,” Rey answers before he’s even done asking, making him laugh. Truth is, sometimes both are feeling too lazy to either cook or clean, so they prefer going out.

“Okay then, let’s go shower,” Ben says, and before he even knows what’s going on he has his soulmate on his back demanding to be carried. He lets out a breath in surprise, but quickly acquiesces, simply sliding his hands down to grab her by the back of her knees.

Again, she tugs on his hair, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“I still love your ears,” Rey says quietly, holding onto him tighter. It feels like his heart skips a beat.

It took Rey about a year to be able to tell Ben she loved him. It was tough, Ben will admit that, but ultimately worth it. He helped her find someone to talk to, and even put her in contact with Finn, his theater friend and Poe’s soulmate. Both things worked well; Rey talked about her feelings of abandonment, and grew to think of Finn as her other best friend. Having more people in her life seemed to help her see her own worth, and his patience was key in not making her feel pressured to return his words. And at the end of the day, they were just words: her love for him was in every argument she gave up on, how he’d sometimes wake up to having his hair braided, the way she’d work so hard on pretending she didn’t hate his music.

The way, when they’re sleeping, she always holds him tight —as if he needed protection from the rest of the world.

“Well, I still love your cute butt,” Ben says, reaching back and pinching it. She laughs, and in turn makes a kissy noise right in his ear, nearly deafening him. “ _Geez_ , woman! Grow up!”

While he says this, he turns his head and sneaks a quick kiss from her, making Rey blush with a self-satisfied face.

“You started it.”

They reach their bedroom, but instead of walking to the bathroom Ben drops his wife on the bed. He has a hungry look in his eye as he takes off his shirt.

“I changed my mind. I want dessert before breakfast.”

Rey snorts.

“I forgot we were filming a porno today,” Rey says, even as she works on taking off her overalls. “Tell you what. I’ll be Ms. V, who just called her personal chef into her room.”

“That’s very inappropriate, Ms. V,” Ben says, taking off his boxers. “What about me? Should I be… Chef P?”

Rey has to pause in the process of taking off her shirt, needing to recover air from how hard she laughs.

“Tell you what. You can be Mr. D,” she says, and finally naked, crawls closer to her husband. “But the thing only you and I know is, it stands for Dumbo.”

Ben groans.

“I love you, but what the fuck Rey.”

She laughs, tugging him onto the bed with her.

* * *

“I love you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once, my mother got tired of the marketing calls and when she answered the phone she screamed into it like she was dying. 
> 
> They didn't call back for a good while after that.


	28. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Congrats to us who managed to survive 4 years of hectic U.S. politics. Let us all agree to ignore the news for the next four years. :))

**January 16th, 20XX. THE BLUE LOTUS FOUNDATION**

Marking the 70th anniversary of Skywalker, Inc. the current CEO, Ben Solo, is celebrating by opening the doors to The Blue Lotus Foundation.

This institution aims to be a safe space for all those who have rejected or been turned away by their soulmates; it is a joint effort between psychologists, soulmate specialists, doctors and scientists that looks to give people the tools to move on free of cost. The Blue Lotus Foundation initiative has been praised as the first multidisciplinary group to help soulmates either find each other, or find themselves at peace by themselves. They are currently the leading force in finding a cure to prevent separation-induced psychosis between rejected soulmates, a revolutionary idea that, if fruitful, could prevent at least six deaths a day.

Mr. Solo is famous amongst his Fortune 500 peers for having the soulmate story of the century: he and Dr. Rey Solo are the only living couple to share a flower soulmark, and are the first soulmates recorded to have a pigmented tattoo. Close friends to the couple have cited their epic love story as the moving force behind their foundation; wanting to provide a place for lost soulmates to make contact, or to escape abusive and unwanted relationships. They hope this will help make a society which, while still hoping for romance, can make a choice over its own destiny.

Dr. Solo, the only granddaughter of the late business giant Sheev Palpatine, is an accomplished mechanical engineer whose research has brought us one step closer to saying goodbye to the traditional automobiles and hello to tire-less cars. Though she is rarely seen in public events, she is always in her husband’s acknowledgements and thoughts.

Mr. Solo has declined an interview, stating through his representatives that his family wishes for The Blue Lotus Foundation’s success.

_Rebel Nation would like to congratulate the Solos on the birth of their first child, Julianne Solo. May she live long and prosper._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fight me, I put a Star Trek reference at the end. 
> 
> Anywho. 
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who's accompanied me all the way to the end. I can't even with how lovely your comments are. This was a work of love, and I wish that everyone who's read it finished with a smile on their face. 
> 
> Hopefully, you want to check out some of my other stories: 
> 
> [Hear the Silence](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24049087/chapters/57870391): Not angsty; rocker Kylo and small-town bartender Rey.
> 
> [Crying I Can Do For You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25539070/chapters/61967566): Star Wars, but Rey is a pleasure girl who is sold to the First Order. Luke gets punched.
> 
> [Green](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26861005/chapters/65537512): From friends to lovers. 


End file.
